In the upper classes, these semi-arranged love marriages increasingly occur between young people who are from castes of slightly different rank but who are educationally or professionally equal. This process has long been possible for Indians from the south and for Muslims who want to marry a particular cousin of the appropriate marriageable category. Parents are often regarded as better judges of character, common interests and comparability than the prospective partners themselves. Partners are not expected to be great lovers and soul mates but rather people who are reliable and complementary. Couples look forward to the future as an opportunity for their relationship to grow and love to develop. The wedding is regarded as the beginning of a relationship rather than the culmination of one. The most dramatic aspect of this asymmetrical relationship is the giving of dowry. The one-way flow of gifts begins at engagement and continues for a generation or two. Within this relationship, bride-givers are considered inferior to bride-takers and are forever expected to give gifts to the bride-takers. In much of India, especially in the north, a marriage establishes a structural opposition between the kin groups of the bride and groom - bride-givers and bride-takers. Indians believe mismatched stars can cause a lifetime of trouble. Caste, income levels, education and astrology are all taken into consideration. Indians are very practical about marriage and the union of bride and groom is often seen as a merger of business and family. Most Indian men and women attending college outside India are careful not to compromise their prospects back home by letting their family or parents know they have dated a foreigner. Urban middle-class Indians are most affected. Nayar wrote in the Encyclopedia of Sexuality: “Although the tradition of arranged marriages has a practical value in preserving family traditions and values, it encounters some opposition as young Indian men and women learn of the Western tradition of romance and love. Prospective mates generally have the power to accept or reject the choices made for them. The days when arranged marriages involved parents decreeing who would marry whom and then haggling over the dowry are largely gone among the middle class. Some young people convince their parents to "arrange" their marriages to people with whom they have fallen in love. So-called love marriages are deemed a slightly scandalous alternative to properly arranged marriages. Īlmost all Indian children are raised with the expectation that their parents will arrange their marriages, but an increasing number of young people, especially among the college-educated, are finding their own spouses. Even today romance plays little part in selecting a mate, many young people say they are opposed to courtship and they trust their parent’s judgment rather than their own when it comes to selecting a mate. Once a couple decided that they wanted to get married they were not allowed to date or meet each other between the engagement and the wedding day. In the old days parents had more say over their children's future spouse than their children did. Marriages have traditionally been arranged by parents of the same caste in different villages between young people who have never met. There are fewer divorces with arranged marriages than with love marriages based on the fact there are relatively low divorce rates in countries with arranged marriages and high divorce rates in countries with love marriages. Even so arranged marriages have a very high success rate. Many future spouses in India have never met one another before they are introduced by their parents. It is estimated that 80 percent of all marriages in South Asia are arranged by the bride and groom's parents.
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